How I fail God

***Please read through the whole blog post because this blog post really does aim to glorify God. There may be some bad things in this blog, but I aim to glorify God, even in the bad. You should know that I still think that God is awesome, God is powerful, God is always good, and I will continue to worship God. Alright, let’s talk about it.

So, let’s talk about the ways that I fail God. Whether it’s on a daily basis, weekly basis, or if it’s just part of my nature. God has been so good to me and yet I can’t help but to fail him every day. There is a bright side to this though. Even though I fail God, God himself has a plan that conquers my failures. So, without further ado, let’s talk about the ways that I fail God and what is the upside to my situations.

I fail him with words

            I thought that I had abandoned cursing. I thought that I had put far away a mouth that curses. Until just recently. What happened was that I was walking on the street and it was my turn to go and cross the street. The car that held up for me was about to turn but he waited so that I could walk across. He waited for me and I just strolled on by. That was my first mistake. I just acted as if though his time didn’t matter and it does. And he kept on waiting and then he opens up his window and curses me out and then threatens me. I in turn curse him out and I walk away. In my head, I’m thinking to myself that was the worst thing that I could do. I had to be strong and just take it and just walk away, but no! I let my emotions get the better of me when I was the one who started it. My point is this, I thought that I had abandoned cursing, I thought that this time, I was going to stick with God’s ways no matter what. But like a drug, cursing keeps haunting me in the back of my mind. I don’t want to curse. I haven’t cursed in a long time! I can’t even remember when the last time I cursed was. And now just because some random dude who was probably sick of his work day, gets in my way and curses me out, I’m going to freak out? That’s weakness right there. I don’t curse! Even when people are cursing me out, I don’t curse and I have learned to control myself in many different situations but now? How can I be turned away so easily? That was my fault. God doesn’t like it when people curse and I know better!

I fail God with my actions

            Every day I want to stand up for God, however, it’s hard. The good way, the narrow way, the right way, is hard to do because our own nature wants to do the exact opposite. I’ll be honest with you guys, thinking back about the guy who cursed me out, makes me want to say God doesn’t exist. My own nature is hurting me. God does exist! He does God exists, God is alive, God is powerful! God is awesome! But I feel like saying that he doesn’t. I’ll be honest with you guys, God has answered, sometimes in miraculous ways, my prayers consistently. He is always there, he never backs down for me, and I can’t help but to fail him.

The upside

            God knows that we are weak people. God knows that basically our flesh is hurting us. God knows that it’s my sin nature that is telling me to not believe in him, however, God is so powerful that he can change our spirits. God can change our attitude, God can! When we can’t!

            Now, I’m tearing up because God himself has moved me. He has shown me, that even though I want to serve him, I still have sin that will forever be engrained in my heart. I don’t want this sin, it separates me from God. I don’t want to curse, I don’t want to have sex outside of marriage, I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to smoke, I don’t want to do drugs, I don’t want to party, I don’t want to fail God in any way. I thank God for who I am. I know that I’m always fighting to be more Godly and God is always transforming me.

            So, there is a lot that we can learn here. I look at this experience as a lesson. God is so good and powerful, he even makes bad situations, perfect situations. God has shown me that I still need to be transformed. I thought that God had changed my mind long ago. But it requires more than that.

Conclusion

            So, please do not look at me with despair, but rather, pray for me. I am still human and I still need help with my sin. I still need God at every turn and I want him. There is something that we can learn from all of this, maybe you can find some lessons in this story as well. I teared up a little bit because I was reminded just how much God loves me. God is still merciful. God is still loving me. And God will forever love me. Please pray for me. I really need it. Thank you all for listening in on this blog post. Pray, read your bible, go to church, love God, and I will see you all next time. German Gonzalez, signing out.